How To Get Over A Breakup?

Most people have had or will have, at least once in their lives, the devastating experience of having their heart broken. No one is immune to a breakup.

woman crying after break up

It can cause psychological damage that impacts us in many ways: depression, insomnia, apathy, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, etc. And amidst the snot and sadness you wonder how to get on with your life.

And luckily (or by searching), you find this article from on how to overcome a break-up in which we are going to help you and give you some key advice on what to do to overcome a break-up.

 How to get over a breakup according to psychology

When we are in a relationship our brain secretes hormones that produce pleasure, well-being, happiness. These also help us to strengthen the bond with our partner.

One of the substances secreted is dopamine, a neurotransmitter that positively reinforces us, the one responsible for addiction. That’s right, we become addicted to love, to our relationship, and when it ends, the dopamine tap that produced that feeling of satisfaction and well-being is also turned off.

That’s when we begin to suffer that kind of withdrawal syndrome. In addition to all this, there is the pain of loss, because in the end a bond that was important to you has just been broken.

One of the things that characterizes the breaks is the subsequent search for an explanation for that end. We believe that if we are clear about why our partner has left us, that if we understand exactly why he has decided to end our relationship, we can overcome it more easily.

But knowing the reason is often not enough, because for us it is such a dramatic and painful event that for our mind there has to be an equally dramatic reason. However, often the explanation is too simple for our logic to assume.

So we try to recover from that breakup and, in doing so, we make some mistakes that unnecessarily prolong our suffering. These are, for example:

  • Reviewing your Instagram or other social networks
  • Write messages to you, look at your last connection
  • Check if you have read us or left us in sight
  • Remembering the good things about the relationship
  • Thinking and reliving the beautiful and happy moments

Doing all this is the equivalent of a junkie trying to get more drugs to get over his withdrawal.

Keys to getting over a breakup

The keys to overcoming a breakup, whatever the type of relationship, are basically the following:

Closing and acceptance

We need to close and put an end to that episode of our life. Accept that it’s over. To do this we must take and accept the explanation we have been given to break, or invent one, and stop insisting on looking for unnecessary and painful explanations.


A break is a loss, the breaking of a bond that was important, which leaves a void. And that hurts. Taking time to feel and learning to deal with that pain is part of recovery.

Wanting to move on

We must have the determination to turn the page and move on with our lives. We can do this on our own, for example by reading books to overcome a break-up, like the one we left you in the literature, or with professional help, by attending therapy to overcome the break-up.

But we all know that sometimes wanting something is not enough and depending on the type of relationship we are in, it will help us to focus on some aspects more than others.

 How to get over a long breakup

You had your life together, your project in common, your dreams, your expectations… and all that is broken by the damned unforeseen (or not so unforeseen, depending on the case) of the separation.

Overcoming a break-up after a long relationship is not easy, but it certainly comes out much stronger and more affirmed. In these cases, it is important to learn to be alone, to meet yourself again, to go out, to do things that you like, to meet more people, to strengthen the bonds with those who love you and to continue with your previous life as far as possible.

How to overcome a toxic breakup

As we mentioned in another article above, society pressures us to find our ideal partner: it “rejects” us if we are weird for being single and “rewards” us if we follow the norm, makes us feel that we fit in.

The pressure is such that it is not surprising that we yearn for that company, that we look for it and that we cling to it when we find it. We hold on so tightly at first that we seem to go blind. And that blindness is what keeps us from seeing the toxic things in the relationship, until it breaks.

Then comes the pain and all the mistakes we make trying to get over that pain. That’s why one of the important things after getting out of a toxic relationship, apart from everything else mentioned before, is not to idealize the person:

  • Remember in what ways the relationship was not good for you.
  • Keep in mind things that hurt you, things that bothered you, things that you no longer have to deal with, etc.

 How long does it take to get over a break-up?

There is no set time frame that says how long it takes to get over a breakup. Every person is a world and every relationship is different. Therefore, everyone needs their own time and space and has to allow for it. Some take weeks and some take years, but the important thing is that you get over it.

In any case, it is always advisable to get psychological help to overcome a break-up in case you find yourself with more difficulties than you can bear to face it. The professionals will be able to make a better study of your case and give you advice more adapted to your situation.

And remember, as Buddha said, “pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional”.

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